Life feels very chaotic lately, and my mind feels very foggy. I used to be able to organize my thoughts clearly and make efficient use of my time, but lately it seems that no matter how many hours I work, I barely achieve anything.
Something this summer has shifted inside me, and I think even since the start of the year I have changed.
Predictably, the beautiful summer weather has drawn me outside more and more, and the only moments I feel normal, clear minded, and fully like myself are these. Wandering in the forest. Walking over cliffs. Among the waves. The grasses. The flowers. Perhaps the peace of these moments is my medicine to staving off the daily anxieties that can easily flood in and paralyze me.
Every artist knows that there are two sides to the coin. One side, what the public sees. A prolific artist living the dream. Painting, visiting amazing places. Existing in that beautiful flow state.
And the other side, the real side, the engine. The engine that drives us forward, sometimes faster than others. Sometimes it breaks down. It needs constant maintenance, especially to get up the mountains with rough terrain. The longer the journey, the more fuel it needs.
And I think this summer I finally realized that I have not been refueling enough. I’ve been coasting on fumes. That’s OK during slow times. But when there is a lot on the calendar, I really struggle to keep the engine on.
So, as the summer continues I’m loving every moment I get to be alive in this beautiful world. Drawing and painting outside every day is not only healing and uplifting, but I learn so much.
Not every painting is a success, that’s obvious. But getting the brush mileage in and allowing myself room to just breath is where the real growth happens.
My internal evolution will lead to something amazing, I can feel it. The scary part is allowing it to happen.
Routine feels good. Safe. Easy.
You know what doesn’t feel good? Change. But nothing great was ever achieved without change and growth.
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